I Wanna Be...

I have just realised that I have a week left of maternity leave before I go back to work. I'm due back at the office on 27th Nov. The horror! Despite my brand new work outfits hanging in my wardrobe, I'm so not looking forward to rejoining the rat race. Besides my monthly salary, I do not see the point of dragging my sorry behind to sit behind a desk for a minimum of 8 hours a day making other people rich. It's certainly not fulfilling for me. Despite that, I've been putting off quitting and finding a new job over and over again because of new commitments every year that require the money my job brings in. Argkh!

I never envisioned myself working where I am when I was younger. Do you remember in primary school every year they had you write down your top three choices of profession on this card that went into your school file? When you're a kid, all jobs are cool. You'd get answers like askar, anggota polis, ahli bomba, angkasawan (a friend of mine put angkasawati - feminism rears it's head even at that tender age)... plus the standard ones of guru, doktor, peguam, doktor haiwan and wartawan. Whoever heard of a kid putting down eksekutif bank as their ambition? I sure never did. For the record, my answers year after year were pegawai tadbir dan diplomatik (my dad's job), guru (my mom's job) and doktor (my mom's chosen profession for me). Shows how I lacked the imagination (or was it the effort?) to come up with new professions each year.

Anyway, going back to work means leaving behind TWO babies now. Depression time again! When I went back to work after having Eez I didn't have hubs to support me 'cos he was away attending a conference in Bali. Now when I go back to work he's not here again 'cos he's in S'pore! My mom will be taking care of the boys, so at least I don't have to stress about them being taken care of by strangers. Poor Eez, he's gotten used to seeing me in the day time unlike before. I'm going to miss him saying, "Hey, Mom!", "Watcha doin', Mom?", "Shayaaaaaanggggg Mama!" every ten minutes. I'm probably going to turn into one of those mothers who call up their kids from work and talk in baby voices loud enough for the entire office to hear, God forbid. And I'm going to miss little Ray with his gorgeous baby smell which never fails to cheer me up. If I could bottle that special baby smell and sell it, I'd be an instant millionaire, I tell you.

Who knows what the coming new year will bring, though... maybe I will quit my job after all. I might move down south if the conditions are right. I might start that business after all and make boat loads of cash so I don't need to leave my kids. We'll see..

Wonder Woman

Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of my joints creaking and my muscles protesting the stress I've put them through during the yoga classes I've taken! Honestly, I didn't know it would be so hard to just sit and relax! There's all these different poses with dodgy names (which sound a lot better in Sanskrit!) and they are actually really complicated to do. Plus there's a big deal about controlling your breathing at the same time. I was really working hard to get the moves right while the people around me were calmly executing the poses with perfect grace and posture. Alamak.. so malu! Even the ah so in the grungy sweat pants and tattooed eyebrows was even more limber than me!

I've taken two classes so far -yesterday I had yogilates (I first heard this cool term in The OC) and today was Gentle Flow. Both were beginner classes but I was sweating like mad after the first 10 minutes of the class. But I felt really good afterwards and energetic once the endorphins kicked in. But when I woke up this morning... OMG I felt like death warmed over. My whole body was aching especially my waist and my legs. After a whole year of no exercise due to pregnancy and child-birth, my stomach muscles were totally shot and my leg muscles had gone soft. But in order to achieve my dream of a flat stomach and firm body, I will persevere!

I've never been one for dieting.. I love my Pepsi and chocolate and ice-cream too much. I was a stick during school but all that changed once I reached my twenties. After 2 babies I doubt that I'll ever be a stick again. When my weight went up after having Eez, I tried to diet by cutting out rice. That lasted about 2 days. I even tried Herbalife which lasted about 2 weeks. I simply must eat! So I guess to keep the weight down I have to exercise and try to limit my unhealthy food intake (no more late night McD suppers). I'm not a big fan of gyms with good-looking model type people parading around in expensive fitness attire. I don't like to jog since all those reports about lone female joggers getting mugged, raped and worse. The treadmill at home is just too boring and I don't have the discipline to exercise regularly at home. Who does? How many people have converted their treadmills and exercise bikes into expensive clothes hangers? So group exercise is perfect for me.. the anonymity and at the same time the feeling of comradeship with all the other huffing and puffing, out-of-shape people around.

So tomorrow morning I will enjoy my nasi lemak with a cup of hot Milo. And snacks during the day... perhaps even a chocolate bar! I am breast-feeding after all which helps keep the weight down and I need the extra calories. Good excuse, right? There's a Yin Yoga class tomorrow that the receptionist says is a good beginner class. If my muscles aren't taut as strings tomorrow, I'll give it a go.

Shopaholics Anonymous

OMG I have been doing some serious retail therapy lately! You know what they say, when the cat's away the mice will go shopping. Seriously, I've single-handedly boosted the country's economy since hubs went to Singapore last Saturday.

Even before he left we went out for some "last-minute shopping for supplies" which amounted to a bunch of new unmentionables and socks for hubs, Avent cups (necessity), his-and-her Cr*cs slippers (which I don't really need but were too cute to resist and hub's pair was a sort of going away present) and three new work shirts for moi (self-motivation to go back to work). Then, my kakak came over during Deepavali break and we went to JJ to utilise her Shopping Day voucher. The damage? Two pairs of work pants and brand new undies. Thank God it was raining or we'd probably have headed over to the fab street market at The Curve. Yesterday I went out with Ms M and bought this book (thinking of taking up a new hobby) and another work 2 shirts. Today Ms M and her little 'un accompanied me to pick up Ray's MyKid at Maju Junction. Then we headed to BV where thankfully I resisted the urge to spend. I only spent RM5 for my threading session.

Okay, I'm trying to justify my spending by telling myself that I need new work clothes since my work wardrobe needs to be updated anyway. Plus I shopped at reasonably priced places like JJ and FOS. And I do deserve it after being cooped up at home for over a month. And my husband is away so I need a distraction!!!

On a different note, I also signed up for yoga classes here. I seriously need to get my post-preg body (esp the dreaded mummy tummy) into shape. It's the place with the huge banner over Cash Converters along the LDP, you can't miss it. It's about 5 minutes away from home (on a good traffic day). The classes are all held in the evening after 6pm, ideal for working gals like me. I signed up for the promotion price of RM49/month (contract for 18 months). The regular membership is an affordable RM79. Good, eh? I'm going to my first class tomorrow.. wish me luck!

So I've promised myself to stop shopping for stuff I don't really need... starting the day after tomorrow. I'm going to get a yoga mat and some yoga attire, then I'll keep a lock on my purse!

Cry Me A River

As of last Tuesday, yours truly has been released from the chains of confinement! Which I celebrated with... you guessed it... an ice cold Pepsi! Not the one Ms M gave me, which remains on my book-shelf unopened to this day, but one hubs got for me at KFC. Btw, Ray seemed fine and not kembung or anything after b*feeding after I consumed said Pepsi, thank God. Anyway, despite being finally free, I'm not about to go paint my butt blue and run around mooning my enemies a'la Braveheart & co. My mood has slowly been going downhill towards a full-fledged depression as hubs day of departure to that tiny country down south draws near.

I'm currently writing this blog on the bed of our freezing cold hotel room in JB while the rest of my family sleeps. I've just had a crying spell, sobbing quietly as I checked out my notifications in F*book. My eyes are red and puffy and I'm sure I'll wake up with a head-ache in the morning. We drove down earlier in the day with my PILs, crammed in FIL's ancient Merc. Since Ray doesn't have his passport yet (or his MyKid for that matter.. must remember to collect it upon return to KL), we won't be sending hubs all the way across the Causeway. Tomorrow hubs will board a bus from Larkin and head to S'pore on his own. So I'm trying to get all my crying done in the dead of the night so I won't burst into tears during the drive back to KL tomorrow.

My mom told me husbands leave their families all the time to go and cari rezeki on other countries. My own dad, a former diplomat, flew all over the place. When we kids were little we'd follow him, but we stopped after my dad got posted to Phnom Penh which is a pretty scary place to raise kids. So we saw him like 2 times a year for three years. And even my FIL left the family behind up to months at a time when he was working with the government during younger days. My BFF's husband is away for weeks each month for the family biz. And look at all those foreign workers who leave their families by the boat load to work in other countries. So I'm not the only crying wife with young kids in the world, though it certainly feels that way.

Isn't it weird that other people are pouring into the country to work here while our citizens are finding jobs in other countries? It makes you realise that there's always people who have a harder life than yours.

Okay, obviously I'm talking gibberish from the lack of sleep and bodily fluids.. so I'd better stop right here. Hope to write again in a better mood.