Stuff = Junk?

It's amazing the amount of junk one can accumulate in the space of 3 years. In this case, the first three years of my marriage, that is. After we moved out of our rented apartment last year and back to KJ when hubs had to work in Singapore, our mounds of stuff prompted my mom to build a whole new store room for us. Even then, some of belongings spilled over into the dining room, discreetly packed in boxes and shoved up against the wall. And this was after we actually sedekah most of our big stuff (e.g. fridge, sofa set, book case, vacuum cleaner, gas tank) to various people.

So we called in some movers, cleared out the store room and dining room and sent it all to our new house. My mom was so happy to finally get her dining room back that she immediately asked some friends over for lunch. Twice. And we just moved our stuff this past weekend.

I'm taking leave for 3 days this week. Earlier today I went round to the house with my mom, her maid and my two kids to unpack some of the stuff. Eez promptly discovered a box of some of his toys (how does he do that?) and set about cluttering up the living room floor. We unpacked the kitchen stuff and stowed away the rest like books and such to unpack later once we get the storage sorted out. At the end of our unpacking session we ended up with a mini-mountain of used packing paraphernalia whose sheer size amazed us. Now I've got a thing for boxes and have a small collection of them in various sizes which I really sayang to throw away (with the excuse they might come in handy next time), but even I couldn't see any reason to keep old crockery and C*rningware boxes so we tore them up and stuffed them into the garbage compartment to be picked up by the local garbage men. I did feel a twinge of guilt and realised that I should have recycled but by then the kids were tired and cranky and my mom wanted to go grocery shopping, so I made a mental promise to do better next tome.

Tomorrow I've got to make the trek to MPSJ to change the ownership of our house for cukai pintu purposes. Also, I've got painters coming in to paint the downstairs area and front gate. I'm ignoring my mother's suggestion to paint everything white (sorry, Mak) and instead I've picked out colours that I like from the catalogs. I hope that they turn out okay... after all I might end up with migraine-inducing walls which I detest and make everyone hate me and wont match with anything, right? We're doing the lower floor first. Later, when cash-flow permits, we'll do the upstairs.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Mi Casa... Finally!!!

** View from the sliding doors which overlook the minuscule front yard **

After months and months of endless legal wrangling, reams of paperwork and parting of ways with cash in various denominations, we finally received the keys to our house yesterday. I didn't notice it until a friend pointed it out - the date was the all-auspicious 08.08.08! So now I can honestly say that something good happened to me on that date.

I went over to see the house today to install new padlocks and check for any defects. Apart from a few busted light bulbs and the thick layer of dust on the floors, the house is in good condition. I really salute the previous owners for taking such good care of the house. It just needs a good cleaning up, a new coat of paint in the living room and on the front gate and we're all set. We're not planning any renovations just yet so we can start moving in pretty soon.

So now my mind is already occupied with figuring out how I'm going to decorate. Isn't that the best thing about having a house? The previous owners had already installed kitchen cabinets and built-in wardrobes in 3 of the 4 rooms, so we just have to buy our basic furniture and appliances. I've been busy online looking up various ID sites and poring over colour palettes. Hubs doesn't blink an eye when I suggest painting the living room pink. I honestly don't know if he's just humouring me or ignoring me!

One thing I do know is I don't want to go beige and brown. Not that I have anything against those two colours personally, it's just that it's just so... cosy and boring and neutral. Like my mom's living room.. *snigger snigger* . We used to have a maroon and grey living room but my mom remodeled it over the years and changed the sofas, carpeting, flooring, wall colour and curtains until everything somehow or the other ended up being either beige or brown. My dad complained about bumping into furniture that blended in with the walls and floor. My sisters complained about the browness of everything. Even Tom our ancient cat blended in with the carpets and got stepped on. So in a moment of temporary madness bought on by brown fever, my mom decided to paint the hallway walls green! Not a nice, light, minty apple green. But a really GREEN green reminiscent of Amazon rain forests and cows rolling in the meadows. Which of course next to our brown living room, looked horrific. Even Eez said confusedly, "Mom... blue?" To which I patiently replied, "No, sorry.. it's green." Three days later, my sister texted me at work: "green walls are gone! back to original beige colour." Hallelujah. It feels like home again.

So anyway, I can't wait to start on our house. God knows if we'll ever have any spare money ever again and when we'll finish, but we'll get there. Granted, the front yard is the size of a postage stamp and the you can cross the rooms in four big steps, but at least it's all ours. I would love to have something like this:

Isn't it pretty? Insya-Allah....... aminnnnnnnnnn.....

Entourage

I read this article recently, and it kinda freaked me out a little. As a full-time working mom, I do depend on others to take care of my kids. Yes, we have a maid (or rather, my mom does) who helps look after the boys and do the housework, but it's my mom who mainly watches the kids. Through some kind of excellent timing and God's will, my mom retired right around the time I gave birth to #2 last year, so we were able to pull #1 out of the day-care center he attended and keep him at home with the baby. It's only when my mom goes to her religious classes or mengaji that the kids are left home alone with the maid. In the afternoons and evenings, my sisters are home from school/work, so the boys are always surrounded by at least one member of the family practically at all times.

Whenever I'm at home and during weekends, I try not to depend on the maid too much to look after the boys. Indeed, even my mom "advises" me once in a while to look after my own kids when I'm at home since I work all day. My mom says, "What will happen if something happens to this maid? Like the old one when she had to go back suddenly?" She tells me to create a stronger bond with my kids. Let them depend on ME and not on other people.

Sure, of course I want to! And I do the best I can, from bathing to washing to changing to feeding to putting them to bed. As often as I can, all by myself. I treasure the time spent alone with my kids and my husband. I'm lucky that R is about as hands-on with the boys as I am. He helps bathe #1 (belum berani to do so with #2), feeds them, prepares their bottles, looks after them when I need some mommy time.... When we go out, we take the 1-1 approach: if I'm holding #2 or pushing his stroller, R takes care of #1. And vice versa. Die la if nak take care of both of them alone, right? #1 is at that bouncy, jumpy, run-around disobedient age. I don't have elastic arms and eyes in the back of my head, I know my limits. I can take both boys out on car-trips by myself but so far I haven't brought both of them on outings alone yet. I can handle them separately, but not together at the same time in a public place! That would be mommy suicide.

To me, I guess, you have to set boundaries. You have to know your limits. Sure, there's Supergirl and Wonder Woman but they didn't have kids! Don't be afraid to ask for help but don't take advantage of it either or you'll end up being over-dependent on it. Like when I was planning #1's party recently. I knew there was no way in h*ll I could go it alone since I work and am pretty much useless, so I roped in MIL & SIL. MIL cooked pretty much everything (honest confession.. some hostess I am. Haha.). SIL helped with the decorations. Honestly, the only things that were 100% mine were the party packs and the Kung-Fu Panda Pinata. Which took me like 4 days to make. In the end we all had a good time and no one was overly burdened and we all still like each other. See?

I try not to focus too much on the fact that my kids spend more of their waking hours with other people instead of me. If I did, I'd go crazy, kill my boss and blow up my office. Then I'd be sent to jail where I'd get to spend even less time with my family. Yeah, there are some days when I feel like I can't cope with everything and I feel tired and depressed and hopeless. Everyone has their bad moments. So I take each day as it comes and hug my boys when I can.

In today's topsy-turvy world, you have to get help where you can get it. Tak kisah la... from parents ke, family ke, friends ke, domestic help ke... But don't lose sight of the ultimate goal which is a close-knit, happy, healthy family. Treat everyone as you want to be treated in return. Be kind, be courteous and never diss other people because of the way they handle their lives. SAHM ke... WAHM ke... WOHM ke... we're all mothers and we all deserve each other's respect and support.