Foot In My Mouth

There's this kakak in my office who's one of the most cheerful, motherly types around. Let's call her Kak X. She's old enough to be my mother, a few years away from retirement. She has 3 sons, the oldest just got married last year while the youngest is in upper secondary. But apparently, her cheerful smile hides her pain.

Earlier today we were bual-bual kosong, and it came to light that we had both woken up late today. I woke up at 6.20am (usually I wake up half an hour earlier) because I'd wrongly set my alarm clock and hubs was going to work late today. Kak X woke up late because she'd waited up for her son (cuti sekolah, keluar lepak) last night until she fell asleep at 4am with the lights on. I asked, "Husband akak takde ke?". She went quiet and said casually, "Oh, dia takde."

When I came back from a loo break later, there was an email waiting for me in my inbox. It was from Kak X. In the email she told me that she had just gotten divorced just 2 weeks ago. She had taken a one day leave for the court process and came back as usual the next day, no muss, no fuss. The only people who knew was another kakak in my department who was also a divorcee, 2 others from my unit and some of her close friends in another department. She said that she'd known her ex since form 3 and had been married for 26 years. They'd been having problems for a while but they waited until the kids were older when Kak X would be able to be independent. Even before the divorce, she said she was lucky as her husband allowed her to travel alone with her friends. She said that was why she was able to puasa sunat a lot recently since she didn't have to ask her husband's permission now. She told me not to worry, she was at peace.

I replied her email and apologised profusely. I said she seemed her normal happy self and I didn't suspect a thing. She replied back that she was happy because she didn't have to worry anymore. When someone asked her why didn't she cry, she said she'd finished her crying long ago. Now it was time to be happy, banyak beribadat and be close to her kids.

So now I feel really bad. Especially since all I've been able to talk about lately was about my sister's wedding and merajuk 'cos my husband can't go to the bertandang etc etc etc. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. I don't know the reason for it, nor will I ask. If Kak X wants to tell me, she will.

To know someone for that long, an entire life time, and for it to end in tears. Nobody wants such a thing to happen to them. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I pray that my husband and I will be together always.

To Kak X, my prayers and wishes are with you. You're one of the strongest women I know.

It's Not Me, It's My Metabolisme

The time has come. The day I've dreaded my entire adult life has arrived. I can't deny it anymore, nor can I hide it as well I used to be able to. I might as well announce it to the world. I am going on a diet. I need to lose weight. Seriously, and not in a "oh my God I'm so fat I gained a pound" way either. More like "oh my God I'm so fat look at my spare tyres I need a girdle not even my fat pants fit anymore" kinda way.

Honestly! You wouldn't think it when you look at me most of the time. I often go to work in baju kurung, which successfully hide my less attractive extra bits and give me a deceptively slim silhouette. When I attempt to wear a shirt and pair of pants however... well, I have been asked more than once in the past few months whether I was pregnant again. I just laugh and brush it off, pat my tummy ruefully and claim, "Biasa la... dah anak dua!". Even my hubs hints about my extra weight but totally in an unoffensive, safe way in case I freak out.

Okay, what really got me off on this losing weight thing was when I decided to shop for some new work duds the other day. I could still fit into size L shirts (after 2 pregnancies and breastfeeding, my torso and boobs were never the same again). Pants were another matter. I couldn't even fit into the XLs at P*dini! My hips were too wide or my thighs too big.. The salesgirl said it's probably because of the small cut of the pants. Yeah, right. I wasn't able to find a decent pair of pants in the whole of TC that day. A few days later I went to OU where I found comfortable Ls (with room to spare) in JJ. Weird, huh? Still, the experience really shook me. Was I to be forever doomed to wear department store house brand pants forever? No more cute little boutique or high street pants? Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The very next day I started researching on the Internet and roped in another mommy colleague of mine to join in my diet quest. I won't tell you what kind of diet I'm going on, in case it doesn't work out (malu) and I give them free advertising anyway. I'm not crash dieting, I'm trying to take a safer, more nutritional approach to my food intake with hopefully some exercise when I can get it. If I had thousands of RMs to spare I'd gladly sign up for a course of treatments at a slimming centre a la N*rjuma (who claimed earlier that she gave up rice and ate only boiled veggies.. my arse!!). But, since I am but a humble working mother and the economy's going down the toilet, I'll have to make do with doing it the old-fashioned way.

Today I had my first breakfast smoothie made with soy milk and other bits and bobs. Mmmmm sedap but still not very satisfying. And I was hungry a half hour later. Looks like I'm going to have to go out and get me some healthy low-fat snacks.

How will I survive? Watch this space....

Sssshhhhhh...

Little pitchers have big ears. How true... how true...

I have a really bad habit of being an impatient driver. Now I'm not saying that I'm a queue jumper or road bully or anything really bad, instead I'm the kind of driver that seethes at the rudeness, inconsiderate ways and plain bad driving of others. To vent my anger and distress, I swear like a fish wife. Not a good thing, but certainly a lot more legal and safer than honking at whim and speeding.

Everyday I send the kids back and forth to my parent's place in KJ when I go to work. On average, I'd say I spend a total of an hour and a half each day with my sons in the car. And you know how bad Klang Valley traffic is. I try to distract myself by putting on some good music and singing along, but more often than not I slip and curse.

Like one day, when a car on the opposite lane made a U-turn and swerved really fast into the left lane, almost hitting us, I shouted, "Oi, f*ck!" while pressing the horn angrily. I know how I should have said a short prayer to calm myself down, but in the heat of the moment, you know... Anyway, Eez perked up and said, "Oi, puck!". From his carseat in the back, Ray echoed, "Buck!" Cripes! If they repeat that in front of my parents or husband, I'm done for. To distract them, I immediately launched into a lively rendition of Eensy Weensy Spider. Phew.

On another day I said, "Crap!!!". Eez said confusedly, "Crab? Where crab?", looking out the car window with interest. Seeing no giant crab scuttling alongside the car, he settled back in his seat and commenced playing with his Power Ranger.

Eez's vocabulary is increasing at a really fast rate day by day, and the words he uses when he's fustrated are right out of PHDC and CN. He says, "Oh man!", "Oh pickles!" and "Darn it!". Once, he put it upon himself to correct his old mom. Something had just pissed me off and I swore, "Oh sh*t!!!". Eez shook his head and said, "No, Mom. Not oh sh*t!", wagging a finger at me. "It's oh, shoot! Shoot, Mom, not sh*t!"

Oh thank God, there's hope for them yet!

I. Am. So. Freakin'. Tired.

God... what a week it's been. Is it just me or has the traffic jams in the KV gotten way out of hand? We've taken to leaving the house earlier and earlier every day (does that make sense?). Even Eez gets confused sometimes when we get in the car: "Mom? It's morning?" since the sky is still black (his definition of night). Kesian jugak to them, have to leave their warm beds so early but we have no choice if we want to make it to work on time and get parking spaces within a reasonable distance from our offices.

Coming home pun is another round of jams. Worse if it rains. A few days ago I drove 1-and-a-quarter hours to a clinic in SJ from my office straight after work in the pouring rain to give a urine sample for a medical check-up required by my house insurance provider, which everyone knows, takes you like ten seconds to pee in a cup. Then another hour or so back to KJ to pick up the kids... luckily it had stopped raining by the time we were heading back (again) to our house. So the trip took just 20 minutes including queuing time at the traffic lights. So in total it took me 1.25 + 1 + .... *&$#$(@*#... well, a journey way too long just to pee. Sheesh.

Ray hasn't been feeling well of late. He's been having a persistent cough an entire bottle of cough medicine wasn't able to banish. He wakes up in the night coughing and crying so I have to tepuk2 him back to sleep. It's easier for him to sleep in our bed terus so I don't have to get up too much. So we took a trip to our GP (it was late, paeds closed, GP will have to do) who prescribed Ventolin expectorant 'cos he suspected it might be early signs of asthma. Oh my poor baby! Thankfully he's been responding well to the new meds and doesn't wake up at night anymore.

Then Eez started having night terrors pulak... I suspect it's as a result of too much Ben 1o or Power Rangers or whatever 'cos the other day he told me he's scared of monsters. I told him the monsters were more scared of him and his trusty Friend, and that Friend would protect him. Otherwise his Papa or Mom would "puk" the monsters for bothering him. Haha... He's woken up twice in the middle of the night, not crying, more like snuffling and walking across the hall to our room. So we made room for him in our bed as well. That's four of us in one bed... luckily the little one didn't say roll over or else Papa would fall out!

So of course poor old Mom, with two toddlers on either side of her who refuse to get under the blankets and prefer to snuggle up under her armpits instead and is forced to lie straight and unmoving in case she accidentally smothers one of them, hasn't had a decent nights sleep in... four years!!! And she still has to wake up at the crack of dawn the next day to drag herself to work. But that's just what being a Mom is all about. 8 hours sleep... but that's for babies! Jam-free roads.. only during school holidays!

Thank God for the super-long weekend coming up this CNY. I'm reserving one day exclusively for me. I'm packing the kids off to my mother's house (my kakak will be here.. yay!!) , install hubs in front of the TV with food and remote control, and I'm going to go lie down in my nice cool empty bed alone and SLEEP!!!