They're My Babies and I'll Spoil Them If I Want To

A friend of mine once asked me if I'm fair to my kids. Before I could get offended, she quickly explained. She has a beautiful baby whom she loves to bits. Her family simply dotes on this cutie as this baby was the long-awaited cucu due to a past personal family tragedy. She has all the pretty dresses a girl could want, toys galore and all the in and up-to-date baby paraphernalia. My friend does want more children, but at the moment she can't imagine dividing her love and lavishing it on another person, not even a second offspring.

"Are you going to have a big party for #2's first birthday like you did for #1?", she asked.

"No," I said. "Can't have a party 'cos his birthday falls during Ramadhan. We'll just cut a cake or something."

"Won't he feel offended?" she went on to ask. "Like when he's older?"

Hmmm. "I hope not, once we explain the situation to him." I replied. "He's still special. We'll have parties for other birthdays. It's not like his birthday will fall in Ramadhan forever."

My friend presses on. She asks if #2 gets the same toys and clothes as #1 did. It would be uneconomical to buy everything new for #2 since #1's stuff are perfectly fine and usable, I tell her. They only have 2 years between them and they're both boys, after all. I do buy #2 his own toys, though. It's just that I try not to be wasteful. I grew up wearing hand me downs and I turned out alright. In my family of four girls and one boy, my parents had to be prudent and economical on their civil servant's salaries. So we used each garment to the fullest and shared whatever we could. My dad did get us our own teddies and B*rbies, though.

It doesn't mean that once you have your second child, you love the first one any less. Or you love the first child more than the second child just because he was there first. To me, a mother's love is boundless like the ocean. There's plenty to go around and it's automatic. Once the doctor places that warm bundle in your arms, automatically the love just blossoms. The toys, clothes and accessories are just material possessions. Your kid could be decked out like Little Lord Fauntleroy but it wouldn't mean a thing if you didn't spend time with them.

For #2's birthday tomorrow I'll be baking a cake. After iftar, we'll sing him the birthday song, hug and kiss him and take lots of pictures. So that when he's older, he'll see that he did have fun on his birthday.