C'est moi

I have lost the will to blog.

Reflection

I've been going thru a kind of personal crisis lately. I've started thinking about my life, the things I've done, choices I've made and the direction I'm heading to now. I never thought my life would be this way. It was never what I planned at all.

I see the lives of my friends and family, how perfect or unjust they are, a mixture of experiences and situations and backgrounds that I sometimes envy but also sometimes bersyukur that it's not happening to me. MILs from hell, loads of money and vacations abroad, attentive or inattentive spouses, unruly children, divorce, new babies, fantastic jobs, no money and a pile of debts. It's happening all around me, and I do my best to sift through the lot and jadikan sebagai iktibar dan pengajaran. All these experiences have taken me back to my beginnings, back to God. I'm working harder to be a good Muslim so that God will light my way and protect me in all this darkness.

In the light of the latest challenge God has thrown my way, I've decided that I'm going to stand up and fight. I refuse to lie down and cry my eyes out. I believe that there is a purpose and hikmah to this, whether it's meant to be a catalyst for a major change in myself or just to make me open my eyes and see what's going on, wallahu'alam. I am a strong Muslim woman. I am a wife. I am a mother. Just see how strong I can be, you'll probably be surprised.

After much inner-searching and contemplation, I've decided the only purpose and meaning of my life is my family. My husband and children. My parents and PILs. My siblings. Being a banker is only secondary. Money is easy come, easy go. But a family and true love, these things are a gift. Ya Allah, make me stronger. A good Muslim, good wife, a good daughter, a good mother, that's all I ask. Bless my family, and make us healthy and happy always. Amin.

Am I making sense? Probably not. I am feeling a little crazy today.

Implosion

I'm having some low days. You the ones I mean. The days when it seems like everything conspires against you, everyone is happier than you in their perfect lives and no one in the world is your friend. Doesn't help that the husband has been super busy at work lately and my BFF is away for 2 weeks.

Don't mind me. I'll be just fine in a few days.

My Dangerous Hobby

No lah... I haven't taken up anything potentially life-threatening like base jumping or shark-baiting. If you read my previous post on 15/3, you'd know that I was starting a... ahem... program to lose some of this extra baggage I've been lugging around. I'm happy to report that in the past month, as a result of my drastically changing my eating habits and snacking on tasteless yet healthy snacks, I've lost around 2kg. Not a big difference, granted, but still a step in the right direction, yes? My pants do seem a bit loose and my wobbly bits aren't quite as wobbly as before, so when I started this new hobby, you can see that I have just cause to panic. You see, I've recently taken up baking.

I've always liked baking, better than normal cooking, actually. I just love that lovely delicious aroma of freshly baked cakes and cookies that fill the whole house. Now, I'm not saying I'm a particularly good baker. Not all my cakes and cookies turn out perfectly. I have secretly thrown out entire batches of cookies that were left too long in the oven. My brownies have been known to be bizarre looking. I've never had any formal training apart from a two-day cupcake decorating course at a local bakery supply shop. I'm more of a trial-and-error type of baker. And happily, my adiks who are my guinea pigs more often than not, scarf down my baking results without any untoward incident. And my butterscotch cake does get rave reviews during Hari Raya. Okay, so the ones who raved were both my grandmothers, but at least I do have a good cake to be remembered by. "Kek ni... cucu cek yang buat sendiri!" *applause*

Okay, so, what sparked off my rekindled romance with baking was my purchase of an electric oven recently. It's just a tiny little thing, a 32l with a rotisserie function, but it has served me splendidly. Already I've churned out a batch of brownies (had to start with brownies, my fav dessert), muffins, bread pudds and cookies. I've posted pics of my baked creations below, but unless you specifically request for them, I won't be posting the recipes. That's like taking credit for something that is free on the Internet, which is where most of the recipes come from, anyway.

And please pardon them if they look a bit dodgy and blurry. First of all most of the pics were taken using my phone camera, and secondly... well, I am a fledgling baker after all.

* the chewy brownies that popped the cherry on my oven *


* chocolate cheese muffins *


* smarties & chocolate chip cookies *


* mini bread puddings (assisted by Eez) *

After scarfing down cookies over the weekend, I gained 400g (stats courtesy of my digital scale). Back to rabbit food and fat-free bleurghs tomorrow. Cheers!

Foot In My Mouth

There's this kakak in my office who's one of the most cheerful, motherly types around. Let's call her Kak X. She's old enough to be my mother, a few years away from retirement. She has 3 sons, the oldest just got married last year while the youngest is in upper secondary. But apparently, her cheerful smile hides her pain.

Earlier today we were bual-bual kosong, and it came to light that we had both woken up late today. I woke up at 6.20am (usually I wake up half an hour earlier) because I'd wrongly set my alarm clock and hubs was going to work late today. Kak X woke up late because she'd waited up for her son (cuti sekolah, keluar lepak) last night until she fell asleep at 4am with the lights on. I asked, "Husband akak takde ke?". She went quiet and said casually, "Oh, dia takde."

When I came back from a loo break later, there was an email waiting for me in my inbox. It was from Kak X. In the email she told me that she had just gotten divorced just 2 weeks ago. She had taken a one day leave for the court process and came back as usual the next day, no muss, no fuss. The only people who knew was another kakak in my department who was also a divorcee, 2 others from my unit and some of her close friends in another department. She said that she'd known her ex since form 3 and had been married for 26 years. They'd been having problems for a while but they waited until the kids were older when Kak X would be able to be independent. Even before the divorce, she said she was lucky as her husband allowed her to travel alone with her friends. She said that was why she was able to puasa sunat a lot recently since she didn't have to ask her husband's permission now. She told me not to worry, she was at peace.

I replied her email and apologised profusely. I said she seemed her normal happy self and I didn't suspect a thing. She replied back that she was happy because she didn't have to worry anymore. When someone asked her why didn't she cry, she said she'd finished her crying long ago. Now it was time to be happy, banyak beribadat and be close to her kids.

So now I feel really bad. Especially since all I've been able to talk about lately was about my sister's wedding and merajuk 'cos my husband can't go to the bertandang etc etc etc. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. I don't know the reason for it, nor will I ask. If Kak X wants to tell me, she will.

To know someone for that long, an entire life time, and for it to end in tears. Nobody wants such a thing to happen to them. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I pray that my husband and I will be together always.

To Kak X, my prayers and wishes are with you. You're one of the strongest women I know.

It's Not Me, It's My Metabolisme

The time has come. The day I've dreaded my entire adult life has arrived. I can't deny it anymore, nor can I hide it as well I used to be able to. I might as well announce it to the world. I am going on a diet. I need to lose weight. Seriously, and not in a "oh my God I'm so fat I gained a pound" way either. More like "oh my God I'm so fat look at my spare tyres I need a girdle not even my fat pants fit anymore" kinda way.

Honestly! You wouldn't think it when you look at me most of the time. I often go to work in baju kurung, which successfully hide my less attractive extra bits and give me a deceptively slim silhouette. When I attempt to wear a shirt and pair of pants however... well, I have been asked more than once in the past few months whether I was pregnant again. I just laugh and brush it off, pat my tummy ruefully and claim, "Biasa la... dah anak dua!". Even my hubs hints about my extra weight but totally in an unoffensive, safe way in case I freak out.

Okay, what really got me off on this losing weight thing was when I decided to shop for some new work duds the other day. I could still fit into size L shirts (after 2 pregnancies and breastfeeding, my torso and boobs were never the same again). Pants were another matter. I couldn't even fit into the XLs at P*dini! My hips were too wide or my thighs too big.. The salesgirl said it's probably because of the small cut of the pants. Yeah, right. I wasn't able to find a decent pair of pants in the whole of TC that day. A few days later I went to OU where I found comfortable Ls (with room to spare) in JJ. Weird, huh? Still, the experience really shook me. Was I to be forever doomed to wear department store house brand pants forever? No more cute little boutique or high street pants? Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The very next day I started researching on the Internet and roped in another mommy colleague of mine to join in my diet quest. I won't tell you what kind of diet I'm going on, in case it doesn't work out (malu) and I give them free advertising anyway. I'm not crash dieting, I'm trying to take a safer, more nutritional approach to my food intake with hopefully some exercise when I can get it. If I had thousands of RMs to spare I'd gladly sign up for a course of treatments at a slimming centre a la N*rjuma (who claimed earlier that she gave up rice and ate only boiled veggies.. my arse!!). But, since I am but a humble working mother and the economy's going down the toilet, I'll have to make do with doing it the old-fashioned way.

Today I had my first breakfast smoothie made with soy milk and other bits and bobs. Mmmmm sedap but still not very satisfying. And I was hungry a half hour later. Looks like I'm going to have to go out and get me some healthy low-fat snacks.

How will I survive? Watch this space....

Sssshhhhhh...

Little pitchers have big ears. How true... how true...

I have a really bad habit of being an impatient driver. Now I'm not saying that I'm a queue jumper or road bully or anything really bad, instead I'm the kind of driver that seethes at the rudeness, inconsiderate ways and plain bad driving of others. To vent my anger and distress, I swear like a fish wife. Not a good thing, but certainly a lot more legal and safer than honking at whim and speeding.

Everyday I send the kids back and forth to my parent's place in KJ when I go to work. On average, I'd say I spend a total of an hour and a half each day with my sons in the car. And you know how bad Klang Valley traffic is. I try to distract myself by putting on some good music and singing along, but more often than not I slip and curse.

Like one day, when a car on the opposite lane made a U-turn and swerved really fast into the left lane, almost hitting us, I shouted, "Oi, f*ck!" while pressing the horn angrily. I know how I should have said a short prayer to calm myself down, but in the heat of the moment, you know... Anyway, Eez perked up and said, "Oi, puck!". From his carseat in the back, Ray echoed, "Buck!" Cripes! If they repeat that in front of my parents or husband, I'm done for. To distract them, I immediately launched into a lively rendition of Eensy Weensy Spider. Phew.

On another day I said, "Crap!!!". Eez said confusedly, "Crab? Where crab?", looking out the car window with interest. Seeing no giant crab scuttling alongside the car, he settled back in his seat and commenced playing with his Power Ranger.

Eez's vocabulary is increasing at a really fast rate day by day, and the words he uses when he's fustrated are right out of PHDC and CN. He says, "Oh man!", "Oh pickles!" and "Darn it!". Once, he put it upon himself to correct his old mom. Something had just pissed me off and I swore, "Oh sh*t!!!". Eez shook his head and said, "No, Mom. Not oh sh*t!", wagging a finger at me. "It's oh, shoot! Shoot, Mom, not sh*t!"

Oh thank God, there's hope for them yet!

I. Am. So. Freakin'. Tired.

God... what a week it's been. Is it just me or has the traffic jams in the KV gotten way out of hand? We've taken to leaving the house earlier and earlier every day (does that make sense?). Even Eez gets confused sometimes when we get in the car: "Mom? It's morning?" since the sky is still black (his definition of night). Kesian jugak to them, have to leave their warm beds so early but we have no choice if we want to make it to work on time and get parking spaces within a reasonable distance from our offices.

Coming home pun is another round of jams. Worse if it rains. A few days ago I drove 1-and-a-quarter hours to a clinic in SJ from my office straight after work in the pouring rain to give a urine sample for a medical check-up required by my house insurance provider, which everyone knows, takes you like ten seconds to pee in a cup. Then another hour or so back to KJ to pick up the kids... luckily it had stopped raining by the time we were heading back (again) to our house. So the trip took just 20 minutes including queuing time at the traffic lights. So in total it took me 1.25 + 1 + .... *&$#$(@*#... well, a journey way too long just to pee. Sheesh.

Ray hasn't been feeling well of late. He's been having a persistent cough an entire bottle of cough medicine wasn't able to banish. He wakes up in the night coughing and crying so I have to tepuk2 him back to sleep. It's easier for him to sleep in our bed terus so I don't have to get up too much. So we took a trip to our GP (it was late, paeds closed, GP will have to do) who prescribed Ventolin expectorant 'cos he suspected it might be early signs of asthma. Oh my poor baby! Thankfully he's been responding well to the new meds and doesn't wake up at night anymore.

Then Eez started having night terrors pulak... I suspect it's as a result of too much Ben 1o or Power Rangers or whatever 'cos the other day he told me he's scared of monsters. I told him the monsters were more scared of him and his trusty Friend, and that Friend would protect him. Otherwise his Papa or Mom would "puk" the monsters for bothering him. Haha... He's woken up twice in the middle of the night, not crying, more like snuffling and walking across the hall to our room. So we made room for him in our bed as well. That's four of us in one bed... luckily the little one didn't say roll over or else Papa would fall out!

So of course poor old Mom, with two toddlers on either side of her who refuse to get under the blankets and prefer to snuggle up under her armpits instead and is forced to lie straight and unmoving in case she accidentally smothers one of them, hasn't had a decent nights sleep in... four years!!! And she still has to wake up at the crack of dawn the next day to drag herself to work. But that's just what being a Mom is all about. 8 hours sleep... but that's for babies! Jam-free roads.. only during school holidays!

Thank God for the super-long weekend coming up this CNY. I'm reserving one day exclusively for me. I'm packing the kids off to my mother's house (my kakak will be here.. yay!!) , install hubs in front of the TV with food and remote control, and I'm going to go lie down in my nice cool empty bed alone and SLEEP!!!

Baby Time

I hosted a baby shower for my oldest and dearest friend, Ms M earlier today. It was held here, and was attended by a nice, eclectic mix of 11 of Ms M's friends from various stages in her life. There friends from primary school right up to uni, newer mommy friends and two of her SILs. I didn't get to throw one for her first baby since I was busy preparing for my wedding then, so I decided to throw one now and also to sort of get to celebrate her upcoming birthday at the same time.

Since I am working full-time, I needed help so I roped in some friends to help me with the preparations. I provided the party favors, Farah provided the cake and Mrika got a keepsake book for each guest to write a page in. As an added touch, I ordered balloons from here, the cheapest I've found so far. Hubs offered to collect the balloons this morning immediately after the store opened so I wouldn't have to rush to Hartamas and back to the party venue (thanks, luv u!).

For my gift, I decided to make Ms M a diaper cake. I took the day off yesterday especially to make the diaper cake and party favors (made hubs send the kids to my mom's so I could fully concentrate :-P). For the diaper cake, I used P*reen Dry 5's in a size S since I was worried the newborn size might be too small and Ms M might not be able to finish them in time before the baby out-grew them. Have u seen these diapers? They're multi-coloured and puffy yet super-absorbent and are great for newborn babies who wet/soil themselves every 10 minutes. Most hospitals use this brand, too. I rolled up the diapers with rubber bands and constructed a 2-layer cake with an empty kitchen roll as the support. Some people like to use a baby bottle or a bottle of baby shampoo or lotion as the support, but I figured they'd be too heavy and hard to tape in place on the cardboard cake base. To cover up the colourful diapers, I used a yellow bath towel for the first layer and a blue blanket for the 2nd layer. Konon-konon the blue blanket was water, which I topped off with cute little bath toys. For a finishing touch, I "garnished" the whole cake with ribbons. Here's the finished result:




For the party favors, I ordered these cookies from here. Aren't they the cutest?




I put the cookies in a mug filled with shredded colour paper and added a little scented candle inside. On average, I'd say each favor cost about RM8 each. Value for money, yes? It just goes to show that you don't have to spend a fortune to get quality stuff. A good thing in today's shaky economic environment! Farah's little placards were the perfect finishing touch to the favors, making it personal and extra special:


I totally forgot to bring my camera to the party (doh!!), so I didn't get to take a picture of Farah's lovely cake ordered from Aunty Abrina. We all had great fun and practically stuffed ourselves silly. I did, anyway. Balik terus rasa nak tidur but I managed to stop myself.. haha.

Thanks for coming to "memeriahkan" the party, girls. Who's next?

Maal Hijrah 1430

Satu Muharram detik permulaan
Perkiraan tahun Islam hijrah
Perpindahan Nabi dan umat Islam
Dari kota Mekah ke kota Madinah

Atas keyakinan dan iman yang teguh
Kaum Muhajirin dan Ansar bersatu
Rela berkorban harta dan nyawa
Demi menegakkan Islam tercinta

Hijrah itu pengorbanan!
Hijrah itu perjuangan!
Hijrah itu persaudaraan!
Hijrah membentuk perpaduan!

Oleh itu mari semua
Kita sambut Maal Hijrah
Tingkatkan semangat
Tegakkan syiar al-Islam
Untuk sepanjang zaman!
Untuk sepanjang zaman!
Untuk sepanjang zaman!

Selamat menyambut Awal Muharram 1430 kepada semua umat Islam di seluruh dunia. Semoga tahun hijrah baru ini membawa keberkatan dan menguatkan semangat dan iman kita semua. Amin.

Merry Christmas... Not

I heard a really sad thing on the radio on the way to work this morning. It was one of those call-in segments on the morning show where listeners called in and let the whole wide world know their Xmas wish, and the deejays would do their best to "make it come true". Which is a good thing, sort of a M*ke a Wish foundation type thing, right? Unfortunately, in this case it turned out to be a Xmas wish gone wrong.

So, this girl called um, lets call her X, and said she had a Xmas wish for her ex-bf (let's call him Y). Apparently, on her birthday he took her out for a nice dinner. After wining and dining her, Y popped the all-important question to X, to which she responded with a heart-breaking, "Ummmmm.....". Que sound of breaking glass and rain drops trailing down a window. Needless to say, their relationship sort of fizzled and died from that point. But then, earlier this year Y started texting X again and sending regular emails. Now, I don't know what was in those texts and emails but it seems that X got the impression that Y still had feelings for her and wanted to rekindle the relationship. So, X being a woman (we are entitled to change our minds, after all), thought long and hard and decided that she did love Y after all and wanted to propose to him for Xmas. On air. For the viewing pleasure of thousands of Malaysians. Which is where the radio station came in.

The deejays were asking her was she sure that Y reciprocated her feelings and how sure was she that he'd say yes. X was like all confident and was sure that he was still into her, based on his texts and emails. So they called him up. She was like "Hi honey!" and he went "Hi babe!". After dithering on a bit, she popped the question. He went, "Is this some kind of prank?" She said it wasn't, she just wanted to propose to him for Xmas. He was all errrr-ing and ummmm-ing and then said that she must have gotten the wrong impression, he had been texting and emailing her AS A FRIEND (three killer words that have doomed many a relationship, IMO). And he wanted everyone to know that he was getting married next year. X said in a small voice, "Heheh... to me right?" To which Y resoundingly replied NO. Apparently, when they broke up, Y met someone else and had subsequently proposed to the new gf, and was accepted.

X laughed fakely and tried to pass it off as a joke. She was all "Oh I knew about this but I just wanted to play a trick on you! Ha. Ha. Ha." Y asked repeatedly if she was ok, she said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I don't want to talk to you anymore." and hung up. The deejays assured Y that they'd try to fix things and called X back. She was all sobbing and cursing. "That SOB. Why didn't he tell me? *bleep* *bleep*." The deejays tried to pujuk her, and lastly before hanging up one of them said, "There's plenty more fishes in the sea." Insensitive or what? Fishes, I tell you.

Poor, poor X. As a fellow goddess, I totally sympathise. Don't you think that Y was a bit of a bastard as well, leading her on? A listened texted into the show later and said "Women always get the wrong impression." Guess the sex of the listener? Natch.

So that's one poor soul who'll be having a crappy Xmas. If he's got any heart at all (though I doubt it, judging from how fast he bounced back from being rejected), Y might be having a not so merry Yuletide as well. All I can say is, think long and hard before baring your soul on live radio and never, ever put high hopes on the strength of a text message or email. He might be typing with one hand and hugging another girl with the other for all you know.

Happy Christmas to my Christian friends! Be merry, but more importantly, be safe!

Whirl Wind

My life is such a blur these days... I honestly don't know where my time goes. Every day is just a mad rush to get things done. I'm a working mother of two with an equally busy husband (who comes home after work and promptly falls asleep in front of the TV, leaving me to wrestle with the kids over bed-times and last bottle feedings and diaper changes and ironing of clothes for the next day and last-minute dish washings)... ummm but I digress. As I am prone to do. Haha.

Anywho, since the landslide last week and the subsequent declaration that my building was "unsafe", I have been shipped off to Bangi to set up office in my bank's training centre there. It's just behind Un*ten and the daily commute is fantastic! Even though it's like 25km from my house and I have to pass through two toll booths (bwargkh don't even get me started on the tolls!!!!), the half hour journey is just great 'cos there's no traffic jam!! I luv it I luv it I luv it! A colleague of mine car pools with me in the mornings and chips in for petrol (thanks, Mary!). The parking there is free (yay!!) and my office looks over the golf course behind Un*ten. A few days ago we got to watch some poor bloke wade in the pond thingy and fish out sunken golf balls. And we've recently discovered that Alam*nda is just 10 minutes away....

Yes it was all rainbows and roses for the first few days, even more so 'cos half of my department is stationed in KL (including my boss.. :-D). However, after a while the novelty of working in the sticks is starting to wear off. My poor lovely husband sends the kids to KJ every day on the way to work and picks them up after, so I get less quality time with them. The extra expenses (toll, petrol, lunches) incurred is really getting to me, too. We're trying to negotiate some kind of travelling claim but the prospects don't look too bright. Latest news is.. well, we might be there 'till January. Gak!!

It's all I can do at the end of the day to get my kids snugly into bed, finish my chores and collapse into bed. But what to do.. rezeki halal perlu dicari, put bread on the table and all that. I have the weekends, right? Guess I've just gotta stick to my guns and face it. Insya-Allah, it'll work itself out in the end.

The Ground Beneath My Feet

First of all, my deepest sympathies to all who lost their family, friends and valuables in the recent landslide at Bkt Ant*rabangsa. Al-fatihah..

You know something is seriously wrong when the ground beneath your feet moves faster than you do. Yours truly is also a landslide victim, albeit one on a smaller scale than the BA one where the only casualties were 11 cars parked in an unfortunate spot. Still, whether there were lives lot or not, the landslide which happened right outside my office window really shook me.

There we were, happily banging away at our respective key-boards at 5pm and anticipating going-home time in an hour or so, when we received an IM flashed across our computer screens.. something like this: "Slope along Jln So-and-so is unstable. Please move your cars." Not even a minute or two later, there was this loud SNAP sound (probably the divider breaking), a louder whoosh followed by a sickening crunch and a small tremor which was felt throughout our building. Someone shouted "Bukit dah jatuh!". I thought it was a joke until everyone rushed up to the windows and someone else screamed. I squeezed my way to a window and what I saw really turned my blood cold... a huge stream of soil, rocks and debris flowed from the top of the retainment wall down to the parking lot below, crushing the cars beneath. Earlier in the week, D*KL had cordoned off the parking bays at the top of the retainment wall after the ground sunk a few inches. But apparently no one warned those who used the parking lot below between the two buildings.

People started grabbing their belongings and running out of the building. In the confusion, I managed to save my work, switch off my PC, text message my husband, grab my handbag and even retrieve a tupperware of strawberry tart that I'd stashed in the fridge. I held hands with one of the kakak from my department all through the lift ride up and manged to walk calmly to the emergency evacuation area. We had to walk past the fallen area.. almost half the road was gone! A friend from another department called me to check on me (thanks Alina). The security personnel were urging us down the hil to safer ground and I just went with the flow. I did not know that there were so many people in the 3 buildings! Suddenly I realised that I didn't have a way to go home as my husband would only finish work at 6pm, and given the horrific traffic jam already happening below he didn't have a chance in hell of getting there by 8pm. I quickly called another kakak from my office who managed to get me a ride to the LRT station in her friend's car.

In the LRT, I texted my dad and called my mom to teman me because I was feeling weird and n shock. Who knows what would have happened to me in that state, right? I would've probably missed my stop and gotten lost. At the interchange, I called my BFF when I boarded the monorail to Bkt *. She entertained me with various gossip all the way to P*villion where hubs was already waiting for me. To cheer me up, he took me for a nice, comforting KFC meal. Comfort food, indeed.

Later that night, I got a text from my boss telling me that our SM had granted my department a free holiday the next day as we didn't have a designated offsite office. Yippee!! All through the night and the next day I received countless calls and texts from concerned friends and family. My grandma called me three times, she was so worried and excited! Haha.

This morning I reported to the first building which was declared out of the danger zone. My building and building #2 was declared temporarily closed for a tentative 2 weeks-1 month! I went to my office to collect my belongings and saw the stream of mud had flowed down to the entrance of my building. 2 weeks indeed. Hmph.

I'm being relocated to Bangi tomorrow. Jauhnyaaaaaaa...

Home Sweet Home

Yes yes I'm still alive and blogging. Practically a month has gone by since my last post, yeah? Been pretty busy ever since all my family members successfully recovered from the flu bug. God, that was a horrible episode. Hope the bug doesn't come by visiting any time soon again, thank you very much.

First and foremost, we've finally moved! My parent's "innocent" hints got to be a bit too much ("Babah tanya what are your moving plans? Lama² tinggal rumah tu tak elok pulak...."). The winner: "Bila u pindah nanti I'm turning your room into a surau/reading room. Let me just measure for the carpets..." Okay already. So we got a lori sewa (an adventure in itself), packed up our stuff and shipped out right after Deepavali.

I'm glad to report that the kids took to the new house immediately. The best thing was that Eez started sleeping in his own room ALONE from the first night without a fuss! Of course, the TV my hubs put in there didn't hurt. We had set up his bed with new underwater-themed sheets from I*kea (Eez is fish-mad) and his fav Elmo blanket, arranged his books on the shelves and he immediately settled in. We were a bit apprehensive (and sad, on my part) to let him sleep alone in a new room in a new house so soon, but he just calmly told us to close the light and shut the door! But he did allow us to put the baby monitor on in his room. It was a bit of a struggle to get him to switch the TV off at first but now he's an absolute angel at bed times. I turn the TV off, he gets into bed with Friend and the Power Rangers figurine of the day, has a bottle of milk (yep, still a baby at heart), permits me to kiss and tuck him in and falls asleep by himself. Of course, I check on him about 20 times before I go to bed myself!

It's great to be living on our own again. Sure, the morning rush to drop the kids off and get to work is a bit mad, but we've become used to it by now. Everything in the fridge is ours, we have total command of the remote control and we can eat what we want! At the moment our downstairs area is completely devoid of furniture except for a patio set which temporarily serves as our dining table and two carpets. And we still have to buy curtains and a washing machine (currently we send our clothes to Laundry KJ. Haha.). But don't worry, I will have you guys over for makan-makan soon, only let me buy kitchen appliances first!

Cheers!

Tis the Season for Tissues and Ibuprofen

Yep.. it's that time of year when practically everyone whips out their tissues and sniff, sneeze and cough away. The time when bosses start tearing their hair out when staff attendance is low ("Boss.. saya MC. Demam."). The time when you complain in a pitiful voice that your head feels like it's in the clouds, your throat tastes of cotton, your joints ache and your nose runs like a faucet and the other person says knowingly, "Yeah.. tengah musim ni. My sibling/friend/parent/colleague also has it."

I finally succumbed to the flu today after son#2 and my dad were struck down by it during the past week. First came the sniffles yesterday. I manfully popped a couple of P*nadols, clamped a tissue to my nose and went to work. By the end of the day my nose was permanently red and threatening to peel due to the constant dabbing with a tissue. When I woke up this morning, my head was heavy but I didn't have a fever (tested myself with kids' Safety 1st thermometer - only 36.9 degrees). I dallied in getting ready until my mom told me to go to work because "dah banyak sangat cuti dah!". Errr.. well I do get 30 days annual leave and I've only been on MC 5 days this year! Went to the office, had breakfast, swallowed 2 P*nadols and started work. Sneeze sneeze cough cough dribble. Repeat every 5 minutes. The sub-zero temperatures brought on by the air-conditioning did not help at all.

Finally, by 11am I'd had enough. I was practically comatose at my desk. I finished up my report, emailed it to my UH and got permission from my manager to go home. Yeehaa! Got my MC from the panel doctor with about 5 different types of medicine. After a quick lunch with BFF and friends, I headed home for the safe haven of my bed. #2 was taking a nap when I arrived, thank God, so I managed to escape to my bedroom undetected. #1 was awake upstairs and wanted to play. I said in my most pitiful voice, "Mom's sick. Mom nak tido." He looked at me suspiciously and said, "Sick? Ubat?" I immediately showed him my little bag of drugs. Satisfied, he nodded and granted me permission into my room.

I contemplated taking my medicine before I decided to take them. I had flu pills, fever pills, the vile cough syrup and lozenges. Now, I have a natural aversion to pills since I discovered I had an allergy to certain types of pain-killers. A few years back I suffered from particularly bad cramps and was prescribed Voltaren. Little the 80's cartoon. After one dose my eyes puffed up and I had to take another day off to wait for them to subside. After I had #1, my doctor gave me Synflex. This time, my entire face puffed up and I looked like I'd been crying for a week. Ever since, the strongest painkiller I've taken is Ponstan. Anyway, I swallowed the evil little bitter-nak-mampus flu pills and cough syrup and crashed into bed. Within minutes, I was out. During my coma-like sleep I was vaguely aware of hubs coming home and working on the lap-top beside me, my mom coming in looking for pyjamas for the kids and #1 coming in a few times to whisper excitedly that "Mom's sick!", "Mom sleeping!" and "Wook! Mom's ubat!". Whether he was talking to himself or someone else, I'll never know.

I woke up 4 hours later feeling like I'd swallowed my pillow during my sleep. I hate drug-induced sleep. You wake up feeling like crap. I dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to take a shower since I vaguely remembered sweating profusely at some point in the afternoon. After a nice nasi ayam dinner which I could hardly taste, I felt somewhat human again. #1 has taken to giving me impromptu hugs and pecks on the cheek, his way of comforting his poor sick old mom, which is nice.

I will be a good girl and take my meds again before bed tonight. I have to go to work tomorrow since it's the company's Hari Raya open house and I've promised the kakaks at the office that I'd drive them to PWTC where it's being held. Let's hope my tastebuds have revived by then kalau tak rugi je all the yummy food!

Baking for Dummies

Taadaa! THIS is what I spent practically the whole of today doing. I must have watched too much Nigella lately to think that even I could whip up a cake in less than an hour like her. Have you ever watched her shows? She scoops out ingredients at whim without proper measurements, whips them all together, bungs them in the oven and everything comes out looking professional and delicious and perfectly done. So I thought, hey, she makes it looks so easy. Let me bake Ray's cake by myself.. the perfect solution since I'm on a pre-Raya budget, it's too short notice to order a cake and we're all sick to death of SR cakes anyway...

So during the past week I began gathering the ingredients and planning my design. I did some research on the web. Apparently the easiest birthday cake to make is a layered butter cake which you could then decorate however you want. Looks simple enough. Excited though I was, even I wasn't confident enough to make my own cake from scratch (not even using the "idiot proof" recipe I found on eHow), so I bought some butter cake mix from my local bakery supply shop yesterday. Got the eggs and butter. Good to go. This morning I was digging around in my mom's supply cupboard looking for cake tins when I discovered she didn't have the right size. There was a couple of square tins, some 10"s and something that appeared to be 9.5". So, another trip to the bakery supply to get a cake tin (they were out of 8"s so I got a 9" and at a 10% discount pulak tu, good deal).

This is how it went:

Oven pre-heated. Measure measure, mix mix.. everything's looking good. Poured batter into my 9" and mak's 9.5" (besar sikit takpe, boleh trim, I figured). Bunged it in the oven, set timer for 45 minutes. Went to check on the kids, put Ray down for a nap. Remembered I forgot to add in vanilla essence (wasn't in the recipe on the packet, but I usually add it in for extra flavour). Takpe kot. Came back almost an hour later, cakes still looking suspiciously wet and uncooked. Let them bake for another half hour. Cakes risen, but still looking pale and wet. Maid pointed out that the oven door doesn't close properly, letting out the heat hence oven not heated properly and cakes taking forever to cook. Damn. Yet another half hour later, cakes finally beginning to brown with nice smell wafting from oven. Some time later, cautiously opened door and patted nearest cake. Seems firm. Poked a skewer in which came out clean. Removed cakes from oven and set on wire rack to cool. Mixed up a batch of buttercream mean while, tinted it blue. Almost dislocate shoulder mixing the the colouring in. Mak helps to remove 1st cake from cake tin which comes out perfectly. Elder sister attempts to remove 2nd cake but it collapses in a soggy mess. Scoop everything back in and put it in the oven for another half hour. Meanwhile, lightly ice 1st cake to seal in the crumbs.

Remove 2nd cake which has gone all crusty on top. Once cool, remove from tin. Is cooked but uneven and lopsided. Trim off the bumpy bits and cautiously place 2nd cake on top of 1st cake. Nephew comes in and laughs at cake. Ignore him. Lightly coat 2nd cake with icing to seal in crumbs. Just remembered that had originally planned to put blackcurrant jam between layers. Crap. Too late now. Slather icing all over cake to create illusion of evenness. Elder sister comes in and helps decorate cake by poking Sm*rties into the sides. Nephew and niece look on hungrily from the sidelines, lamenting the fact that they're fasting. Haha. Finish off poking Sm*rties to create no "1" and sprinkling hundreds and thousands all around. And voila! My first cake is done.

After buka, Ray cut the cake with help from Eez. The cake was pretty good with the exception of everyone saying the icing was too sweet. Hmmm better luck next time. I had fun though baking this cake even with all the unsolicited advice and angst and stress. So with the 1st ghastly experience over, maybe next time I'll do better. Like Nigella.

Living In The World Today

Have you ever just woken up one day and felt really worried about your future? I do, most of the time these days. Just watch the news and read the papers. The increasing rate of inflation with prices going up, up, UP! The declining state of our society with the escalating crime rate. Rapes, murders, muggings, robberies, kidnappings, tainted food, pollution, crooked politicians.. What kind of world are we creating for our kids? I wonder.

Once in a while I do tend to get morbid and a tad depressed, so bear with me, please.

Do you live in KL? Do you have kids? Do you own your house? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you'd understand how hard it is to actually survive in KL nowadays. Even with both my husband and I working full-time, we're barely managing to stay afloat. That's the sad sad truth. I read somewhere that even if you earn RM3k in KL, you're considered poor. Seriously? It definitely feels like it. Honestly, I don't know where it all goes sometimes. House payment - RM1,xxx. Car payments - RM1,xxx. Broadband. Phone bills. Utility bills. Growing up formula. Diapers. Clothes. Credit cards (gakkkkk!). I don't know how my parents managed to raise 5 kids on their civil servant's salaries. But then again, things didn't cost as much as they did today.

I always dreamed that once I had kids, I'd stop working and look after them full-time. You know, be a housewife. Or a SAHM, as it's trendier to say now. The way things are going now, looks like I'll have to put that dream on hold for... a few years, if not forever. Sure, my husband does earn a decent sum, but it's clearly not enough to support our growing family in KL. We can't rely on our parents too much for help.. segan lah. I know some lucky lucky people who are fortunate enough to be SAHMs. I envy the hell outta them. They get to raise their kids themselves, be present at each stage of their development, go for school-runs and be totally involved in every aspect of their kid's lives. They have spare cash to shop, buy fabulous things, go on exotic holidays... Maybe their husbands are loaded, maybe their parents supplement their income, I don't know. It's still an unbelievable life to lead for someone the same age as me.

Sometimes I blog surf and read about some of these fortunate moms griping about their "imperfect" lives. One complains her husband spends too much time at work (gotta earn that cash for u to spend, baby). Another laments the fact that her children are taking over her life and she has no time for herself (err.. hello? SAHM?). Another mom hints that her husband will be buying her yet another high-end brand handbag but she wants a different brand (important for the school-runs and mommy brunches). The winner is definitely the super shopaholic mom whom we all love to hate. It's exactly like all those chick-lit books we love to read so much. Sometimes I have to refrain myself to tell them to stop whining, take a look at the real world and get a life. Or maybe I should just stop surfing the Internet altogether.

In the world of have and have nots, the grass is always greener on the other side.

** Please note that these are just my thoughts and I do not intend to offend anyone, SAHM or otherwise. It's probably my PMS talking. Some of my best friends are SAHMs and the most wonderful people on Earth. **

They're My Babies and I'll Spoil Them If I Want To

A friend of mine once asked me if I'm fair to my kids. Before I could get offended, she quickly explained. She has a beautiful baby whom she loves to bits. Her family simply dotes on this cutie as this baby was the long-awaited cucu due to a past personal family tragedy. She has all the pretty dresses a girl could want, toys galore and all the in and up-to-date baby paraphernalia. My friend does want more children, but at the moment she can't imagine dividing her love and lavishing it on another person, not even a second offspring.

"Are you going to have a big party for #2's first birthday like you did for #1?", she asked.

"No," I said. "Can't have a party 'cos his birthday falls during Ramadhan. We'll just cut a cake or something."

"Won't he feel offended?" she went on to ask. "Like when he's older?"

Hmmm. "I hope not, once we explain the situation to him." I replied. "He's still special. We'll have parties for other birthdays. It's not like his birthday will fall in Ramadhan forever."

My friend presses on. She asks if #2 gets the same toys and clothes as #1 did. It would be uneconomical to buy everything new for #2 since #1's stuff are perfectly fine and usable, I tell her. They only have 2 years between them and they're both boys, after all. I do buy #2 his own toys, though. It's just that I try not to be wasteful. I grew up wearing hand me downs and I turned out alright. In my family of four girls and one boy, my parents had to be prudent and economical on their civil servant's salaries. So we used each garment to the fullest and shared whatever we could. My dad did get us our own teddies and B*rbies, though.

It doesn't mean that once you have your second child, you love the first one any less. Or you love the first child more than the second child just because he was there first. To me, a mother's love is boundless like the ocean. There's plenty to go around and it's automatic. Once the doctor places that warm bundle in your arms, automatically the love just blossoms. The toys, clothes and accessories are just material possessions. Your kid could be decked out like Little Lord Fauntleroy but it wouldn't mean a thing if you didn't spend time with them.

For #2's birthday tomorrow I'll be baking a cake. After iftar, we'll sing him the birthday song, hug and kiss him and take lots of pictures. So that when he's older, he'll see that he did have fun on his birthday.

Apa Nak Jadi?

The state of our nation's politics are a big joke. I can hardly bear to read the newspapers or watch the news anymore without laughing. Or gagging. When is it all going to end? Next week? In 2 years? We've got enough things to worry about and now this is happening right on our door-steps.

.

.

At the risk of being blocked, or worse, that's all I'm going to say.

Stuff = Junk?

It's amazing the amount of junk one can accumulate in the space of 3 years. In this case, the first three years of my marriage, that is. After we moved out of our rented apartment last year and back to KJ when hubs had to work in Singapore, our mounds of stuff prompted my mom to build a whole new store room for us. Even then, some of belongings spilled over into the dining room, discreetly packed in boxes and shoved up against the wall. And this was after we actually sedekah most of our big stuff (e.g. fridge, sofa set, book case, vacuum cleaner, gas tank) to various people.

So we called in some movers, cleared out the store room and dining room and sent it all to our new house. My mom was so happy to finally get her dining room back that she immediately asked some friends over for lunch. Twice. And we just moved our stuff this past weekend.

I'm taking leave for 3 days this week. Earlier today I went round to the house with my mom, her maid and my two kids to unpack some of the stuff. Eez promptly discovered a box of some of his toys (how does he do that?) and set about cluttering up the living room floor. We unpacked the kitchen stuff and stowed away the rest like books and such to unpack later once we get the storage sorted out. At the end of our unpacking session we ended up with a mini-mountain of used packing paraphernalia whose sheer size amazed us. Now I've got a thing for boxes and have a small collection of them in various sizes which I really sayang to throw away (with the excuse they might come in handy next time), but even I couldn't see any reason to keep old crockery and C*rningware boxes so we tore them up and stuffed them into the garbage compartment to be picked up by the local garbage men. I did feel a twinge of guilt and realised that I should have recycled but by then the kids were tired and cranky and my mom wanted to go grocery shopping, so I made a mental promise to do better next tome.

Tomorrow I've got to make the trek to MPSJ to change the ownership of our house for cukai pintu purposes. Also, I've got painters coming in to paint the downstairs area and front gate. I'm ignoring my mother's suggestion to paint everything white (sorry, Mak) and instead I've picked out colours that I like from the catalogs. I hope that they turn out okay... after all I might end up with migraine-inducing walls which I detest and make everyone hate me and wont match with anything, right? We're doing the lower floor first. Later, when cash-flow permits, we'll do the upstairs.

I'll let you know how it goes.